Refresh. Regrow. Renew.

School was always difficult for me despite my efforts. I was always failing something and some teacher was always telling me to try harder. My mother's solution was grounding me. That didn't work but the restrictions remained until my grades improved which they never did. Come to think about it, I believe I am still grounded. Maybe I should ask mom. I could use the break from the kids. Hmmm . . .

My grades did improve in college and I was even on the dean's list a couple of times. But it was so hard to study and take tests. My mind would just go blank or wander off on a journey somewhere far away with pink unicorns running by a nearby stream and mystical animals who would tell the most amazing stories about fighting evil sorcerers trying to take their land. Snap. Back to reality.

Another constant in my life are social problems. I talk too loud when I get excited which would always irritate my sisters. I can't seem to control that. I tend to interrupt people to talk about myself. I get easily upset when I don't get a quick enough response from my friends. I mean really, if I send you an email can't you reply within 20 seconds [Sheepish Smile]. I have difficulty listening when people talk to me and usually feel the need to do something while I am talking. Staying on topic is exceptionally hard and usually I jump from one subject to another subject without any segway. People often look at me as though I have said some outlandish statement that has caused utter confusion. But I keep going on whatever comes to my mind. If you want the scary truth, the traffic inside my head changes topics every few seconds and even I can't keep up. I am easily distracted which doesn't fully encompass that statement. I often share too much and don't know when to stop. Needless to say, friends are hard to come by when you are this rude and inconsiderate. I try to control these problems but when I get excited the control goes flying through the window, across the street, through an abandoned building and into a flaming trash can that explodes into a thousands pieces.

I have always accepted these personality traits as part of who I am, until last year that is. Last year on my birthday my cat died slowly and terribly as I desperately tried to get him to the emergency vet clinic. He died a couple of minutes before we got there. This started a sadness that lasted months. After I realized that I was going through a depression, I became pro-active to find out why. Losing Tigger was the starting point but I didn't fit the clinical symptoms of depression so I looked at other possible causes. That's when I found ADHD which can cause depression among other things. My sister who is a therapist commented once on how I reminded her of some of the ADD kids she works with. What does she know anyway? Turns out she was right. I am ADHD. At this point, I have not seen a doctor about this so it is a self diagnosis. However, I have taken a couple of tests and both agree that I need to see a doctor right away. So now you know that I am not crazy, I am clinically ill and need lots of therapy.

Results from Quiz #1 - 24 questions-fairly reliable
http://psychcentral.com/addquiz.htm

You scored a total of 97

It is highly likely that you are presently suffering from adult attention deficit disorder, according to your responses on this self-report questionnaire. You should not take this as a diagnosis of any sort, or a recommendation for treatment. However, it would be advisable and likely beneficial for you to seek further diagnosis from a trained mental health professional immediately.

Results from quiz #2 - 60 or 70 questions-more reliable

http://www.oneaddplace.com/add-test.php

Dr. Amen suggests: "More than 20 questions with a score of three or more indicates a strong tendency toward ADD. Your total number of items with a score above three is 54.
Based on this calculation, you HAVE a strong tendency toward ADD.

Below are some symptoms of women with ADHD

Women are more likely to internalize - to blame themselves and to become depressed about their perceived shortcomings. That sounds familiar.

A woman with difficulty maintaining divided attention may blow up when her children start asking for things while she is trying to fix dinner. I very rarely do this one, only 3 or 4 times a week.

Women with AD/HD may discover that the disorder has its positive side. Her generosity, spontaneity and energy may make the household a Mecca for neighborhood children. Finally something nice and the neighborhood kids love coming to my house.

Poor attention span which tends to cause the sufferer to ignore details, make careless mistakes, have difficulty following instructions, listening, finishing tasks and they may appear to be forgetful, distracted and disorganized. Duh!

Hyperactivity causes a person to be fidgety, have difficulty sitting still, talk excessively, interrupt others, have a tendency to be in constant motion and display a general sense of physical restlessness. While most of us exhibit some of these symptoms occasionally, a person with ADHD probably displays them more consistently and has done so since early childhood. Didn't I just say that?

While I realize that this is still in the theory stage, it really gives me hope that I might one day be able to focus and show restraint. You have no idea how hard it is to hold myself back when I just want to shout to the world everything on my mind. So for those of you who know me, please feel free to tell me whenever I exhibit any of these symptoms. Settle down, Kat. You're talking too much! All right just freaking shut up Kat! Those will all work for me, just be prepared to give me chocolate for my good behavior.