Refresh. Regrow. Renew.

Let's start with the trailer home. When my dad moved to Oklahoma, he bought 5 acres of land and put a trailer on it. Onto that trailer, he built a house. The parts that are finished look nice but much of it remains unfinished because of his work schedule. He lives in the boonies off a dirt road surrounded by cattle farms. Behind his house are several broken cars, a junk pile and a beautiful pond with trees surrounding it, too bad it is also the septic system (shitpond). Now, I have always lived in a house because my mother felt strongly about us living away from apartments and trailers. So I was quite surprised when I arrived at Dad's house to see where he lived. My room had barely enough room for one bed and me in the trailer part of the house. There was a closet and a built in dresser but no windows and no AC. When I wanted to cool off, I had to leave my door open and prop a fan in the door way to encourage the cold air in. I also brought with me, a dog, a cat, and yes my pet rat. So it was the four of us in this small room.

My dad lived with his girlfriend of 10 years or so and my two brothers who were both still in school. Anthony (dad's third marriage) was getting into his teenage years and acted like it unfortunately (love you, bro if you read this) and Andrew (from my stepmom) was 8 and so sweet and fun to be around. He and I would go on walks together, pick flowers and he loved making jewelry with me. My dad spent most of his time working or watching SciFi TV shows and my stepmom had many interests but seemed to have difficulty picking just one. They really had a different way of doing everything and I had never been a part of a family with both parents present so it was really weird for me. My dad is brutally honest and will tell you anything, I mean anything. I found out things about his sex life that I should be in therapy for. I love you, dad but you don't have to share everything. But in that honesty, he would answer any question of mine no matter how bad it made him look. I learned about what happened between him and my mom and what kind of person he used to be and some of the things that he regrets. I am so glad that we had that time together because I was able to forgive him of the pain he had caused in my life. My stepmom was different from me in many ways which made it more difficult to develop a friendship with her. We had a couple of heated arguments and many differences in opinion but what it boiled down to was that she made my dad happy and was devoted to her family. So I eventually chose to put the problems aside and accept her.

It was during this time that I learned that my younger sister and I had different fathers. When my mother's second marriage turned scary she chose not to tell us about it, including the fact that my sister has a different father. I mean that she NEVER told us, to this day she hasn't actually admitted to it. I had found a letter indicating my mom's second marriage and when I asked my dad about it, he told me what had happened. After the second divorce, my mom asked dad to adopt my sister as his own so that we would all have the same name and the same father. I have to give my dad credit for that, because he always treated EJ as if she were his own and he still loves her as much as ever. I only wish she could see that. Later, when EJ approached my mom (she was 24 I think), all my mom said was I thought you knew. This still remains an unresolved issue in our life.

Moving onto the Christian Zealots. Oklahoma is the buckle of the bible belt and God help you if aren't a christian. After a year with my stepmom, I decided that for both our sakes I would move out of the trailer and into a Tulsa apartment. I worked at Black-Eyed Pea Restaurant as a waitress/bartender. Between the Pea and school, I was becoming agnostic. My mother never stressed the importance of church and would often drop us off at church while she ate coffee and donuts. At the Pea, I would meet so many 'Christians' who would preach endlessly to me about Jesus and saving my soul while I served them their food efficiently and pleasantly. When their meal was over, I would get a card with a Christian message on it and fifty cents for my tip. The bible teaches us to love one another but these Christians I met taught me that Christians were rude, judgemental and self-righteous so I knew that I wanted nothing to do with their life. I met a couple of atheists and agnostics who talked sense about life and had the same difficulties with Christians. I felt very strongly that their was a higher power but Jesus was just a man made delusion, so agnosticism suited me just fine.

I lived in Oklahoma for two years and made a couple of really good friends, got to reconnect with my family and learned so much about a completely different culture. I want to be clear that not every christian in Oklahoma was a religious freak, but that is who had the biggest impact on me. I was able to meet one couple who really showed my God's love while I was working at the Pea. They were just the nicest people and when they talked of Jesus they were able to connect who He really was and His love for people which inspired me listen to what they had to say. When they left they took a pin off their jacket and put it in my hand with twenty dollar bill and encouraged me to learn more about Jesus. It had a picture of a heart and under it said, 'love one another'. I still wear the pin as a reminder. I think that this couple is the perfect example of God's love for us and I pray that others will follow their example.