6/9/08

Success Sunday-Forgiveness

Posted by Kat at 8:12 AM

Premature forgiveness is common among people who avoid conflict. They're afraid of their own anger and the anger of others. But their forgiveness is false. Their anger goes underground. I define forgiving as letting someone back into your heart. This returns us to a loving state -- and not merely within the relationship -- we feel good about ourselves and the world. True forgiveness isn't easy, but it transforms us significantly. To forgive is to love and to feel worthy of love. In that sense, it is always worthwhile. Robert Karen, Phd, Bottom Line Personal, November 1, 2001



I do avoid conflict because I don't want to deal the the possibility of someone getting angry with me. My sister calls me passive-aggressive when it comes to dealing with conflict. This is an issue that I have been trying to resolve in my life by speaking up when things bother me. It really does make it easier to forgive a wrong when I can be genuinely honest about my feelings. Case in point. Ben can be a little rambunctious (crazy) and this is especially true during Tiffany's ballet class. This little guy wants so badly to dance with his sister so when I make him stay in a small, crowded room, he really gets frustrated and hyperactive. I try so hard to appease him with books, coloring, walks outside and anything else I can think of. Its a very hard hour for me but I try and most of the other parents are very understand. However, there is a woman at Tiffany's dance school who has been grumpy and short with me all year. She even mumbled something a little harsh about my Benny as I was walking away from her. Needless to say, she is not much fun to be around. Something happen at Tiffany's ballet recital last weekend that began to soften my heart. I saw how much work and dedication this woman put into the production of the ballet. I mean she put her entire heart into it so I'm not surprised that she gets frustrated at sweet little boys who are making her job harder. That's how I feel when he takes me away from a job I am trying to do. So I am letting her into my heart and forgiving her for the same things I do when I have obstacles in my path.

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future. Paul Boese

 

1 Comment:

  1. Jen P said...
    June 13, 2008 at 2:54 PM  
    I have been accused by my sister as being passive-aggressive too. Maybe it is because that was how everyone was in our house. We are having a family crisis right now (someone broke into my parent's house while they were out of the country). My brother is there, I'm 2 states away, and my sister is 3 time zones away and my parents are 12 time zones away. What a mess! But guess what, my parents started pointing fingers. At each other, at my brother, etc. behind their backs TO other family members! It was terrible. I told my sister...well that is just how we deal with conflict in our house. How did we get to be so mature without role models?? LOL.

    But forgiveness is something that I learned is a good thing and has become easier and easier the older I get and the more life experiences I have. When you have empathy with someone forgiveness is almost immediate. Sympathy is easy too. But when you really feel like you have been wronged (for example in childhood by people who were supposed to be your caretakers and just let you grow up on your own - sound familiar?) it's a little harder to forgive. I've finally learned to forgive my parents. During times like these I forget to. But before I go to sleep and ask God to give me patience, I find that I lay down comfortably knowing that I have forgiven them (again).

    So I don't think that it is avoiding conflict because I'm afraid of anyone's anger. It's more because in the grand scheme of things, forgiveness is the only thing I have control of. THe anxiety associated with the opposite is just not worth it to me...even among my own family!

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