Refresh. Regrow. Renew.

Making friends as a mom seems so much more difficult than before the kids came. I think about my high school friends and the closeness we shared not to mention the terrible choices we made but we did make them together. I don't miss my high school friends (except for a few), but I do miss the closeness we all shared. As a mom, I am finally making lots of friends but it seems that relationships have changed. Before kids, I could just hang out at a friends house, relax and shoot the shit. We talked for hours about everything and anything, laughing hysterically at stupid things we say. I love that. Now, I still go to my friend's house but there are things to consider: my kids needs, her kids needs, a husband's presence, schedules. We have to watch what we say and do. It's harder to get involved with conversation to build up that strong, close friendship when your kids are begging you to play or explain why batteries don't go to heaven but cats do. What kind of a question is that by the way? Its been our main source of discussion lately.

My other struggle is being Christian. As a former agnostic, blind faith in the bible is very hard for me. I believe that Jesus is who he claimed to be and that God is real but beyond that is doubt. Most of the friends I've made since becoming a Christian were brought up with this tremendous faith that I don't understand. It doesn't occur to my friends to have doubts about the bible, but for me I am constantly wondering about the stories and their validity. Was Jonah was really swallowed by a fish or was it just an analogy to prove God's point? Did Daniel's friends really dance in the fire or did they simply escape? I really don't know but I do try to have faith.

Most of my friends made much better choices growing up than I did. Here I am surrounded by friends who have lived their lives with parents who actually don't get drunk, don't ground you for years at a time, listen to their kids needs, provide them with a good biblical background, set reasonable goals, help them with their homework and just be basically good, responsible parents. How in the world can I relate to my friends when they don't understand where I have been? I am full of doubts about the bible and have many questions, but most of my friends have been raised believing everything the bible says as truth. Their parents showed them love growing up. I didn't hear my first I love you until I was 22 from my dad and 30 from my mom. I know they love me but they sure didn't show it. Many of the moms experimented with drugs or drinking at some point but for me it was a lifestyle for many years starting when I was 15. They actually had me reeling last week. I was listening to my friends talking at a playdate about their parents and some of their problems they had as teenagers. It was difficult holding back the laughter as I listened to their complaints, because I'm sure that I could have sent them into cardiac arrest with a glimpse into my life.

I am really thankful for the friends I have made and they are wonderful, supportive people who are facing the same parental problems I have. So far none of my friendships have suffered as a result of these minor differences, but I am always so excited when I find someone who can relate to me.