5/18/11

Faking It

0 comments Posted by Kat at 2:26 PM

There are days that are good, not necessarily happy, but enjoyable at least.  Then there are the other days.  Sitting in the back doorway with my head leaning against the wall because I can't find enough energy to consider what needs to be done for the children, for the house, for my husband.  Some days I spend fighting the urge to cry.  Its days like this that I practice the fine art of faking it.  I pretend that I am happy and accomplished never acknowledging the word, depressed.  It is not a cure but it usually pulls me up enough to get through another day.  I do this on face book constantly but mostly so I don't end up throwing myself a pity party inviting those I know well and even those I don't know anymore to join in and tell me cliche' advice like, 'just pull yourself out of it' or 'cheer up, tomorrow is another day'.  What do they know?  Apparently, I do a pretty good job on face book.  I just ran into someone that I am casual friends with who said that I was missed but is glad to see I am so happy.  Ha!  If she only knew that I almost started crying when she said that.  But tomorrow is another day and perhaps I will cheer up and pull myself out of it. 

 

5/8/11

Precious Words

0 comments Posted by Kat at 2:34 PM

My mother never showed her love easily but if we watched closely, we could see it.  She was a ghost in my life, visible but barely there.  It wasn't completely her fault though.  Her parents were stern people who were also very guarded with their emotions.  Then after having three children, my dad starts fooling around on her and they divorce.  She moves us to another town where she meets her second husband and has my little sister only to discover that he was so mentally unstable that she had to hire security just to move us out of the house.  Now she had four girls to support by herself.  She worked seventy hours a week to make ends meet and quite often didn't.  I will never understand how hard that must have been for her, how painful, how sad to see us grow up without her involved with our lives.  She somehow maneged to get us involved in piano, girl scouts and other activities and drive us there, also attending special things like my choir performances or my sisters dance recitals.  In all these things, I knew that she loved us.  But she never even whispered those 'I love you' until I had my first baby.  It seems that seeing me as a mother opened her heart to those precious words that I had always wanted to hear.  So for all those unspoken moments I would like to say thank you to my wonderful mother and I love you very much.  I am so glad that God gave you to me.  Happy Mother's Day!

 

5/4/11

Lake Bastrop

1 comments Posted by Kat at 4:05 PM

 I truly love camping with my family although it is so much harder when you have a baby tagging along.  Typically, we camp in a tent however we decided to try out these cabins by Lake Bastrop and I was ecstatic about them.  I actually had a place that I could trap the baby and not worry about her jumping in the lake.  It was a relief for me and made the trip much more enjoyable.  Of course Tim was very clear that we were not camping just having an outdoor adventure.  Perhaps he is right but I was much happier and in the end that is all that matters. 



Naturally, I forgot many things for this trip because that is who I am.  The kids all me Mommy Forgettor.  So on our first night there I run up to the store to buy the food I forgot.  I come back later with some really great dishes that I had been wanting but of course I forgot to get a can opener which is why Tim is opening beef stew with a pair of pliers.  I love you babe!  I also brought back a watermelon but forgot the smores.  That is just wrong.  How can one go camping, I mean have an outdoor adventure, without smores.  Back to the store I go. 



The kids and I were so amazed at the large number of wild rabbits in the area.  Tim thought we could make a tasty stew but the kids and I squashed that idea.  Our sweet sunshine baby was a little freaked out the first morning she woke up.  She actually wouldn't move even when I told her it was alright and tried to pick her up.  She must have stayed there with the blanket over her face for ten minutes without moving.  Silly girl.



We took a walk along the lake and found some really great rocks that we cracked open and saw how beautiful they were inside.  Then further down the path we met up with a turtle.  We decided he must be Brer Turtle from Uncle Remus because just like the trickster in the stories Brer Turtle disappeared before we could properly harass him.  So we figured that he was hiding in the brush with Brer Rabbit just laughing his fanny off while we searched for him. 



The lake had a recent oil spill causing it to be much lower than it usually is which explains the odor of dead fish and the multitude of vultures.  This is also the reason we were able to find those great rocks and this group of dead water plants.  It was kind of sad though. 




Mr. Funny just had to get the plastic spoon out of the lake so he made the Chatterbox wade out and retrieve it.  He had a point.  We don't want to be litter bugs do we. 


We went swimming in the lake and the kids had so much fun.  The water was only a few feet deep due to the recent oil spill and of course the lack of rain so they didn't have to worry about sinking.



I, however, did have to worry because Miss Sunshine likes the water alot.  I kept luring her out of the water so I didn't have to hover over her but we kept going back to the water.  She is so cute. 




In one of my attempts to keep my Sunshine away from the water, I convinced her to put sand on my legs and next thing I knew I was the source of entertainment.  Being buried in the sand was a fun feeling and I highly recommend trying it sometime although you might watch out for funny hubbies who like to draw breasts in the sand.  Of course the kids had so much fun burying me, they insisted on being next.



When I woke up that first morning, I walked to the lake's edge and looked up to see a pale blue sky streaked with tree limbs.  It was so beautiful and I wanted to draw it but I that's about the time the kid's woke up so I took a picture instead which now reminds me of my good friends book cover.



Our Sunshine thought it was so funny to put her swim suit on her head and walk around but that only lasted until the first fall.  Then it was no longer funny to her.  I still think it deserves a giggle.



After we had packed up to head home, we decided to head over the the Dinosaur Adventure.  It was about a half mile walk of various dino statues with fun facts about each one.  Along the way, we would search for scavenger hunt clues and one of them was dino poopies which the kids naturally loved.  Our favorite was the Stegosaurus and Mr. funny and I both agree that the T-Rex was a little too scary.  I could barely look at him to take a picture but I took a second one just to capture the fear in my boy's eyes.  He gets that from me.  I am deathly afraid of that great extinct beast because Jurassic Park showed that it was possible to recreate dinosaurs.  I am getting the chills thinking about it. 









All in all, it was a great trip.  I still felt a little down but so much better than before.  I feel as though I can handle my life again.  I am taking a much needed break from school and spending more time outside having fun and of course, writing again feels so wonderful.  I'm sure I will be back to my giggling, silly self in no time at all.

 

5/3/11

Happiness

1 comments Posted by Kat at 9:18 AM

Quote from Parenting Magazine May 2011

"Happiness is brief, ordinary, infectious, ever-changing, nonconforming.  It is a cup of chocolate milk, an off-key version of a Katy Perry song.  Sometimes its the dance recital; sometimes it's the memory of the dance recital.  Finally, it is elusive, like trying to catch fog in your hand."

 

5/1/11

Frustrations

0 comments Posted by Kat at 10:58 PM

Life has been difficult lately.  Scratch that.  Life really sucks lately.  My oldest chatterbox has been challenging my authority every second of every day.  My funny boy has been whining about all the mean things that chatterbox is doing.  My sweet miss sunshine has been so very active causing my heart to fail for every jump she takes.  Not to mention that I can't seem to get anything accomplished.  I can't even keep up with the dishes.  Home school has even become wearisome.  Everything seems to stress me out making me scarier than the fiercest dragon.  I started to simplify my life last fall by cutting down extra activities thinking that being away from home so much is having an impact on my stress but I only feel alienated now and still nothing gets done around the house.  Meanwhile, I have noticed that I am not enjoying life as I should be.  After all, I have a great husband, three wonderful (mostly) kids, enough food and money to take care of us and I am able to stay at home.  We are all healthy and we have a strong network of friends and family.  What is wrong with me?  It seems that my lifelong battle with depression demands to be noticed.  Really?  I don't want to do this again!  It seems so very stupid that I should be depressed.  Nothing has happened.  Usually something happens to trigger my depression but not this time.  So I am back to taking the usual vitamins and supplements praying that I don't need to get on anti-depressants.  In further efforts to defeat my affliction, I have revamped my blog and I am committing to write more often which has always made me feel better.  If you are reading this then please pray that God will take this away so I can get back to my old self. 

 

11/15/10

Thanksgiving

0 comments Posted by Kat at 5:34 PM

This is the annual Thanksgiving dance by our one and only superhero - WeatherGirl.

 

10/17/10

Sweet

0 comments Posted by Kat at 8:11 AM

Yesterday was the Sweetest Day; at least it was supposed to be. It is a day to share happiness with those you love or anyone who is in need of some cheer and occurs the third Saturday of October (click for more information). All three of my children celebrate their birthday at the end of October and beginning of November. Don't ask me how I did it - God hasn't told me yet. When I first learned of The Sweetest Day I just knew it was the perfect day for their party. I love to see them so happy at their party and I love to see all of their friends happy also. It warms my heart. Last year, their party was wonderful with beautiful weather and everyone so happy. This year, I planned again for the Sweetest Day for their party. It was a sweet day, just not the one I planned for. My oldest woke during the night with a stomach bug and we had to postpone the party. I spent the morning tending my daughter, contacting party guests and running to the store for crackers, soup and sprite. I was so sad for them having to wait another week for their party but they ended up amazing me. My daughter told me that she felt so bad because I had worked so hard planning everything. I was dumbstruck! She noticed something I do for her and I was so proud of her for that. I do work hard but I love it and do it for them so I don't care and I am so happy she knows. It makes it all worth it! My son also surprised me. When I told him that we had to move the party, he just shrugged his shoulders, smiled at me and said, "okay, Mommy." I kept waiting for him to get upset and throw a fit but he just looked at the calender and counted the days to the new party. I wanted to give my children the sweetest day, instead they gave it to me. I am so very grateful to have such wonderful children. By the way, many of our friends that were unable to come to our party are now able to make it. Our party may not be on the official Sweetest Day but I have a feeling that it still will be the sweetest day for us.

 

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