10/27/11

For no one is cast off by the Lord forever. 
Though he brings grief,
he will show compassion, 
so great is his unfailing love. 
For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone.
Lamentations 3:31-33

It is a terrible thing when we have to suffer.  We feel lost and alone with no end of relief in sight.  It is here in this defining moment when we must chose the path we will take.  Do we turn to our buddies Jack and Jose', maybe even MaryJane?  Do we run screaming from our troubles at dangerous speeds?  Many of us do. But where does it lead?  It usually takes us to places that will only bring more suffering which as I look back on my life, seems rather stupid.  I have been to those places many times and never have they helped me, they only bring me closer to the darkness.  Then there is the other path.  Jesus.  Do we turn our troubles over to Him?  Do we beg for forgiveness?  Do we reach out to others for help?  This is how we find relief.  Will this fix our troubles though?  Perhaps not, but by turning to Jesus we will be strengthened, refreshed and encouraged.  We will be able to endure whatever comes our way.  This theme has been surfacing lately through church and through my own journey through the bible telling me not that my suffering will end but showing me how to find joy, love and hope through this suffering.  So hold fast to God's word throughout each and every day. 

10/21/11

Its been awhile since I have visited.  Perhaps with a shiny new laptop, the completion of homeschool and the addition of meds I will visit more often.  Its been such a roller coaster lately, but oh so good.  I was diagnosed AD/HD early this summer, after suffering from a terrible episode of depression, but with the addition of Adderall in my life everything is so much clearer.  I didn't really believe I was AD/HD before starting meds but now that I have ben on them for awhile, I feel as though my life has been wasted until now.  Ok, so that sounds a bit overly dramatic but I look back at my life and I can see all of the different ways that I could have felt better about my life, in my life, around my life.  I thank God everyday for making me go to this saint of a doctor who actually listened to me, all my ravings and made really good decisions regarding my health.  So here are some things that I have been able to do since Adderall has joyfully entered my life:  clean kitchen, clean living area, begin organizing 38 years of clutter, control my temper, control my eating, lose weight (25 lbs), read the bible (at Jeremiah), be happier, be less anxious, listen when people talk, love my children more, love my husband more.  I could go on but then you would need Adderall to finish it.  Things are actually rough right now also.  We had to say goodbye to our beloved dog Daphne.  I am going to have to say goodbye to my most beautiful Princess who I have had since she was just a kitten.  We just found that our other dog has a tumor.  There are so many things we are also trying to get done that have overwhelmed me a bit not to mention playdates, homeschool, ballet, PE, bible study, exercise, blah, blah, blah.  I wonder where I would be if I didn't have Adderall to level this crazy playing field of life.  Probably sitting next to someone named Dandelion who periodically jumps up, runs around naked screaming about howling monkeys taking over the world.  So I will take my meds joyfully knowing that I am okay and even with all this craziness in my life, I am really happy. 

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